What does Ponyboy mean when he says that he lies to himself all the time in The Outsiders? He did it twice... ...in Chapter 1, p. 18, and when...

The death of Ponyboy's parents was a traumatic experience
for him, just as it would be for any 14 year old. Ponyboy has problems dealing with the
new head of the household, his 20 year old brother, Darry. Darry works all the time,
having given up his chance at a college football scholarship in order to support the
family. Darry takes his responsibility seriously, since he knows his two younger
brothers may be placed in a foster home if things go wrong. Consequently, Darry keeps a
tight rein on Pony, who he knows has a bright future ahead of him (unlike Soda, who has
already dropped out of school). Pony tries to convince himself that he hates Darry, and
that Darry hates him. Soda tells him that it is not true, but Pony is never quite sure.
Pony's guilt concerning this relationship hounds him throughout the
novel.

Following Johnny's death, Pony tries to convince
himself that it was he, and not Johnny, who had killed the Soc in the park. This comes
in part because Pony has suffered a concussion and is not thinking clearly, but it is
primarily because he blames himself for all of the problems--Johnny killing the Soc, the
church fire, and for Johnny's critical injuries. Johnny was Pony's best friend, and Pony
tries to keep Johnny's memory alive by trying to remember only the good things he had
shared with him.