Saturday, October 19, 2013

The following paragraph is quite sketchy. Provide additional support for the topic sentence, and revise the whole paragraph.Newspapers are great....

In any type of topic sentence, you probably want to stay
away from those words that involve excessive opinion that cannot really be substantiated
in detail. I would rework the topic sentence here to read, "Newspapers are valuable
sources of information."  It's a bit more clinical and not as emotional as "Newspapers
are great," but it is also geared towards a point that can be supported throughout the
paragraph.  In terms of the support featured in the paragraph, I think that the basic
idea is fairly good, but might need to be refined a bit.  The second sentence could use
a bit of refining along with combining it with the third sentence.  I like, "While some
of the news can be seen as dour, there are news items that are designed in increase
reader interest."  I would move away from the personalized, "Your" in the next sentence
and pivot towards, "Some of the news is locally driven."  The "fascinating" sentence is
not really needed, as you have already addressed interest of the reader.  The "fun"
sentence needs work.  If you are going to "go there," I think you need to expand this
more, if not drop it entirely because "fun" is too difficult to prove.  You might spend
more time explaining this than everything else.

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