These lines from Part I of Joseph Conrad's "The Secret
Sharer" express the young captain's insecurities regarding his first command of a ship
which has a crew that has been sailing together for eighteen months or more, but he does
not know. The captain remarks that he is "somewhat of a stranger to myself," and he
wonders if he will measure up to what he has expected of himself as the commander of a
ship. Observing the gestures and the facial expressions of the chief mate and other crew
members, the captain realizes that the crew does not have a great deal of confidence in
his abilities. In fact, he astonishes the crew when, out of commiseration for the
crew's fatigue, he takes the night watch on the ship himself. He spends the solitary
hours of the night "to get on terms with the ship of which I knew
nothing..."
Before Leggatt arrives on board, the captain
looks to the crew for assurance that he is doing well, an action that perplexes the crew
and worries them. Once Leggatt is taken into the captain's confidence, the captain
learns from Leggatt's tale and from watching his quiet assurance that being more
assertive and commanding is a better way to lead a crew. From his "secret sharer,"
then, comes meaning and the captain acquires confidence and a definition of self. It is
after his "second self" departs into the sea, leaving behind the captain's hat that
directs him in steering the ship away from the shore that the captain receives the
accolades of the crew.
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